Are you allergic to honour?

I have just read a great post over at honorshame.com that opens with the phrase "Westerners are allergic to honor"!

He goes on to say that United States Constitution actually forbids the  bestowing of honorific titles of nobility. (the photo above is from his blog post)

As a non-American, and as an Australian observer of the USA, I find this incredibly ironic.

The country that in theory rejects such a concept of 'giving honour' is probably the one country which more than ever seeks Doctoral Degrees.  And I remember being shocked many years ago to learn that the USA had a cap and gown graduation for completing high school....and even completing kindergarten!  (that practice has spread now to Australia and even Africa!!!)

And yet, I can agree that Western society has so praised humility that they cannot bear to think that honour can be a good thing.  

Although I think the reality is more likely we can't see that what we say we value (humility) in theory, is not what we actually often seek after in practice.

We still want to get first place in the athletics day race,

We still want to have a parent say 'I'm proud of you'

We still award trophies for winners of competitions all over the Western world

Every sport participant still dreams at some time of maybe being part of their Olympic team and winning a gold medal

One of the most commonly used Aussie phrases is still 'Good on ya mate'

We still aspire to be 'employee of the year' in our workplace and congratulate and praise those who are

Whatever field of expertise we are in we still strive to be the best, win the award, get the promotion etc etc

I think we are actually just blind to how honour really functions in our world. 

We have kidded ourselves with fine platitudes that we don't seek honour.  The only difference between an Aussie and (dare I say it) and a IS fighter is what we think is honourable.  Westerners think humility is honourable (generally), IS fighters think to die for what they believe is the cause of their prophet is honourable.  Westerners think its honourable to die for a cause too.....just think how many Western doctors and medical staff went to help fight the spread of the Ebola virus in West Africa with the risk that they could die?

And as I have written before, the whole concept of 'rights', which the West has taken to the extreme, has its roots in the fact that we believe people deserve dignity and honour.

Are Westerners allergic to honour?  No I don't think so.  But I do think they are allergic to the idea of honour even though they practice it every day.

Maybe part of the problem is that our terminology, particularly as Christians, has avoided the word 'honour' as such, and so we have kidded ourselves that because we don't use the word, we don't emphasise it.

However, we use the word praise, proud, respect and glory without a blink - all similar words.  

This is where the word collections below are useful - of synonyms, metaphors and associations (in general and in Scripture). (sourced also from honorshame.com)

Education and Psychology experts tell us children will not develop properly without praise.

We have no worries at all to say 'I'm proud to be Aussie' or "I'm proud to be British" or "I'm proud to be American"

We have no problem saying that kids ought to show respect, in fact I had a gentleman tell me a couple of years back that the problem in Australia is that there is a lack of respect!

And we have no problem as Christians to read our scriptures full of the word 'glory' without stopping to consider the significance of the word.  It has almost become an abstract concept as a hackneyed word. It is a good sounding religious word to throw into a conversation so other Christians will accept us as 'mature' or 'reformed' or 'evangelical' or whatever (here comes that irony again! - we want the honour of being part of the 'in group' by using the word 'glory', all the while espousing the importance of humility and saying we don't seek honour!) - we so easily forget that our hearts are deceitful and desperately wicked and will tell us white is black and black is white .

We have also become adept at glossing over words or phrases in our Bibles which take greater concentration or which don't easily sit with our presumptions about life and godliness. So when we read something like - [you] 'do not seek the glory that comes from the one alone who is God' (John 5:44) we don't stop to properly think about what it means.

We look at social media shaming and wonder where it came from?.....the reality is that every human being on the planet responds to the dynamics of honour and shame.  And the sooner Westerners wake up to the fact, the better.  After all we cannot biblically address an issue we don't think we have!

As Christians let's lead the way.... 

to quote again from the honorshame.com blog post..

"Christians can, and must, seek glory - but not just any glory, the right kind of glory.

Christians pursue the honor that comes from being shamed; the victory that comes from being last; the power that comes from weakness; the status that comes from humility; the authority that comes from serving. God does not dismiss honor (or glory) as immature or naive, but calls people to true and eternal glory found in Christ."

Gay

"I'm Gay" once meant a person was telling you her name.  Now it means something totally different. Now it means a person's same-sex sexual orientation.

Homosexuality, whether it be gay or lesbian is in the forefront of the media wherever you look.

Yes even in Botswana, although it is deemed illegal, there is a support group who was recently awarded by the courts the right to be an officially registered organisation.  Some see it as a victory and some see it as the opposite.

I hear that, in Australia, there is yet another gay marriage push in the Federal Parliament.

In the UK, we have friends who have experienced a nightmare in recent years in relation to their young son because the official position of the country is to allow gay marriage and so what is being taught in schools is in line with that...and if a parent is found to contradict it, they face problems.

Some friends here have a young adult daughter who is in a lesbian relationship and a teenage son living in the UK who has announced he is in a gay relationship.

But  we see the response of Christians around the world generally polarised - either they are vehemently and verbally opposed or else totally accepting of it as 'normal'.

However, a cause of rejoicing is that there are many in the evangelical churches that are seeing a need to respond in truth and in love.  There is also a willingness of some of those who have struggled (or still struggle) with same sex attraction or have in the past been in a same-sex relationship, to share their story and God's grace in enabling them to overcome and live according to God's good plan for sex.

We would like to recommend a particular article that has just come 'across our desk' called 'Seven Things I Wish My Pastor Knew About My Homosexuality', as well as a video of a sermon by Kevin DeYoung based on his new book 'What does the Bible really teach about homosexuality' and the follow-on superb panel discussion featuring Jackie Hill Perry who prior to coming to Christ was in a lesbian relationship, but is now married and a mother.

.....and if you want another good book to read on the matter, 'The Secret thoughts of an Unlikely Convert' which is the autobiography of Rosaia Butterfield is highly recommended or 'What some of you were' published by Matthias Media or links to other good and helpful articles and books here

This is not a matter that Christians should be silent on, but what we say and how we say it is vital to whether the truth is heard and people understand truly what God says about the subject and the hope God has for those in the midst of it.

Taboos and Teenage Pregnancy

"in our culture it is somewhat taboo to talk about sex with children openly"

- quoted from a recent local Mmegi newspaper article

Botswana is concerned.

Teenage pregnancies are on the rise and girls are dropping out of school.  Although the local paper was not able to obtain national annual statistics, in a recent article they mentioned figures from some schools.  One Senior Secondary School had 51 pregnancy drop-outs in one year.  In other schools figures were lower but still present.

And these are not just girls in the Senior Secondary Schools (Form 4&5 equivalent to the Aussie Yr 11 &12) but also in the Junior Secondary Schools (Aussie Yr 8-10).

Various social workers and traditional leaders were interviewed in the article and it was interesting what was raised as 'causes' and contributing factors to the problem:

•  guidance and counselling teachers too busy teaching other subjects
•  kids not given sex education knowledge at school and in the home
•  immoral older men taking advantage of younger girls
•  sex education and intervention measures coming too late at Senior Secondary School level when kids are already sexually active
•  disintegration of the family so kids not taught about sex and life or given the love they seek
•  parents not fulfilling their parenting role properly in providing for children's material and psychological needs
•  young people too attracted by material things that older 'sugar daddy' lovers give them
•  alcohol and substance abuse
•  unrestricted use of social media

Of course there is also concern that these girls are also exposing themselves to Sexually Transmitted Disease - not least HIV.

There is a call for schools and society to instil the importance of moral and ethical values when talking to their children about sex matters in an open manner.

Despite personal embarrassment and traditional shamefulness (taboo) of speaking about such matters, there is a call for it to be spoken about.

The reality is that it is sometimes spoken about - but among peers.  Without proper instruction and loving teaching from elders, that's all the kids are getting.

In a culture that hinges on honour and shame, traditionally elders don't overtly 'teach' the younger ones.  The younger ones just 'learn' by copying, and also realise through experience never to question an elder.  That means kids don't ask their parents, teachers etc about life's questions...they ask their peers - 'age-mates'.  It also means that if an elder requests sex, that request is not to be questioned....and if that elder offers material benefits and physical pleasures there is virtually no reason for a young person culturally to not 'go with the offer'. (Expensive gifts to show off, and the status of having a 'man' who picks you up in an expensive car all raise a girls honour status as well). And when they hear village elders saying to young women only a little older than themselves, things like 'when will you bring us a baby?', and knowing a girl becomes a 'woman' by giving birth, there is subtle but strong underlying incentive and pressure to have a baby.

As much as the newspaper article ended with a challenge that times are changing and thus traditions must change, there are deeper traditions of honour and shame deeply imbedded and culturally re-inforced in every fibre of their being from birth.  To just desire stronger moral ethics is not enough.  The youth have to be given a code of Higher Honour than tradition - the Honour bestowed by their Creator of His design and purpose from creation, but also the power and courage to live in that design and purpose that only can come through becoming part of God's family in Christ.

That's the message we long for them to know and live victoriously and courageously in.