Is there such a thing as Constructive Shame?

Shame is something in our world that doesn't have any 'good' connotations about it.

Shame researcher Brene Brown says there is no such thing as good shame or shame that is needed.  I have learnt a great deal from her research, but at this point I am at significant variance.

There is definitely shame that is needed - shame for sin is needed and is 'right shame'.  It's that kind of shame that God actually specialises in removing, if we let Him.  We don't have to ignore it, repress it, refuse it, or hide it or even just try harder to be 'resilient' to it.  That shame is meant to be acknowledged in full, but brought to the cross to be remedied with forgiveness, reconciliation and honour.

But twice in the last month I have had brought to my attention a way that God can use 'wrong shame' - the shame that is mis-placed and used as a tool of the devil to steal joy, kill acceptance and destroy relationships with our fellow human beings.

The first was part of devotional by Joni Eareckson Tada in her book "Pearls of Great Price" a few weeks back, and the second was just today as I stumbled across something from Martin Luther in the book  'The Oxford Book of Martin Luther's Theology' ed Robert Kolb, 2014.

Here's the Martin Luther quote first:

"All life's disruptions – war, pestilence, poverty, shame – can become voices of the law.  They may not accuse, but they crush by making clear the dependence of victims of other people's sins or natural evils on something beyond the false gods on which they had been relying."

And from Joni:

'Idols put us to shame.....whenever we feel ashamed. Shame is what exposes the things you idolize. Imagine having coffee with a new friend.  As the conversation flows, you feel witty and interesting.  Your friend seems fascinated, which only makes you pleased as punch with yourself.  But then you knock your cup and spill coffee all over your white shirt.  Everyone turns their heads, and instead of laughing it off, you feel stupid and silly.  What a jerk I am !  I want to crawl into a hole.

What idol did the feeling of shame and embarrassment expose.  Pride in appearance?  Smug self-confidence in conversational skills?  An inflated idea of importance? You were hoping  to come across as clever and winsome, but a little spilled coffee washed away your self-confidence exposing a hidden idol.  God has engineered our sense of shame to reveal those things, people, or vocations we idolize.  But once our idols are unearthed we can more easily do away with them.'

She goes on to say: 'The next time your cheeks turn red with shame, ask yourself, "What idol is my embarrassment revealing?" Once its knocked off the shelf of your heart, toss it.  Keep your heart clean of idols.  And then pray...Father forgive me for woshipping anything or anyone--especially myself--above you.  Teach me to recognize shame as your way of exposing the idols in my life.'

Our sense of shame before the eyes of other people, actually exposes the greater shame before the eyes of God - of idolatry.  But its not an exposure to increase our shame and stop there, its an exposure to reveal the true shame to get us to the point of submitting our hearts to God in repentance and thus then knowing His forgiveness, and removal of shame where it counts most.  Shame is removed because Jesus took it on the cross. Jesus took our shame, so that He could share with us His honour.  We need to be depending on God for honour, not relying on the false gods of our world.

What Satan and his 'children' on this earth desire for evil and destruction, God can and will use for His honour and glory and our good if we let him....even shame!

Hot - Dry - & Wilted!

I think this February is the hottest and dryest February we have had in the 14 years we have been in Botswana.

This is supposed to be the height of the wet season and we have hardly had any rain this month.

We could probably count on one hand the days that have been below 35 degrees and humidity has been mostly below 20% like it is in the dry season.

The plants have had very few flowers, even the bulbs have given very few flowers.

in fact the frangipani tree outside our bedroom window is severely wilted! It takes a lot for a frangipani tree to be wilted!

Human Rights or 3D living?

Rights!...?

There is a great deal of mention made in our modern world about 'rights'. Whether its human rights, animal rights, rights of the child, the Bill of Rights, rights to Privacy, women's rights or whoever's rights, being aware of 'rights' almost seems like the fertiliser constantly pumped onto our society.

But is the whole concept of 'rights' biblical?  This is the question I recently asked myself.

Actually I was particularly prompted to search this out further while reading Proverbs 31:8,9 that says in the ESV 

"Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute.  Open your mouth, judge righteously, defend the rights of the poor and needy"

You see, we have a problem.  In our modern world, our society has a habit of hijacking words and giving them new meanings or twisting meanings or modifying meanings.  When this happens it is all too easy for us to superimpose our current cultural word meanings onto biblical word meanings.  To be more clear with what I mean, we superimpose our current cultural English word meanings onto English words of the same spelling in our bibles.  However, we run a dangerous risk when we do this without thinking, because we can get a totally wrong perspective on the meaning of a passage of Scripture.  I feel it can be unhelpful when a translator uses a word which then ends up losing the impact of its biblical meaning because of current cultural usage.  If we are not careful we can either miss out on the depth of truth God wants to teach us or get a whole wrong slant on what Scripture is saying.

'Rights' , I believe, is a case in point.  

Culturally, the concept of rights, carries with it a connotation of demanding the 'freedom' of what we think is our due, or what we deserve.  It's what society in its wisdom has deemed is allowed for any individual to demand by law.  (In the case of animal rights or rights of the child, what is allowed for an individual to demand on behalf of another). Overall though it can have very self-focused connotations related to the rights of the 'self'.

But where did this notion of rights come from and is it the whole story when it comes to these verses?

I believe rights to the self have greatly come about because people left behind something far greater - the honour of the dignity of being created in the image of God.  Cultures which either don't acknowledge God or have a faulty understanding of who God is and how He interacts with His creatures, also lack a Godly value of life, particularly human life.

Yet even though we are told we just evolved, and some may 'believe' it on one level, on another level we inherently know we are something more than sludge.  We feel we deserve some kind of care and concern more than sludge.  So we start demanding what we think we deserve.

But the reality is we don't 'deserve' anything, - except the shame and punishment for our sin.  The very lack of honour we think we have, is actually what we 'deserve' if we are going to talk about what we 'deserve'.  But the reality also is that instead we have been gifted - a basic human dignity as ones created in the image of God even though that image has been marred by sin .....AND for those who have put their trust in Christ as Saviour and Lord, we have been given what we totally don't deserve - the dignity and honour of being 'in Christ' as a child of God, a position of equal sons with the firstborn Son.

So I think it is maybe unhealthy and counter productive in our modern world for a Christian to use or limit their vocabulary to the word 'rights'.  It not only by default endorses the world's agendas, but it also lacks an emphasis on the fact that we don't have to demand rights, because we have already been granted dignity.  If we follow God we will know more dignity than any demanding of 'rights' will ever give us.

In fact being a Christian is more about giving up our rights than emphasising our rights.

"Christian freedom is a very different thing from modern Western notions of freedom.  We celebrate our freedom to speak our mind in public (no matter whom we hurt), to do with another consenting adult whatever we might wish (no matter what time-honoured values and teachings we arrogantly trample) or to pursue wealth and luxury (no matter how many poor and hurting people we neglect along the way). The Christian's freedom is always directed by love for the other, not concern for our rights and desires.  It seeks opportunities to serve in the name of Jesus, not to indulge oneself in the name of rights". (in 'Honor, Patronage, Kinship and Purity' by David deSilva p214)

But what about those verses in Proverbs 31?  Interestingly various bible versions translate this passage differently - some use the word 'rights' (the ones of more recent years particularly), but some say 'plead the cause'.  I'm no Hebrew Professor but this seems to be a much better way to translate this passage.  It's nuance is actually broader and less demanding. This gives more of a sense of being an advocate, or mediator or coming alongside, of defending rather than demanding.  As Matthew Henry says in his commentary on these verses, We  "should be protectors of those who are unable or afraid to plead their own cause".

Dignity, Duty and Delight

I think there is a better way to frame our terminology in this 21st Century.  God has given us dignity and thus we should give others dignity.  Dignity is similar to the concept of honour. And in the light of what Christ did for us - any 'rights' He had (and if anyone had rights that never needed to be demanded or defended, but were simply inherent, HE did), he put aside for us, and thus any 'rights' we may think we have, we need to be prepared to put aside for others.  We don't need to demand our 'rights' or encourage others to demand their rights, rather we can rest in the power of the One who has created us with dignity and redeemed us, and thus in Christ endowed us with ultimate dignity, totally undeserved.  This sense of dignity gives us an honourable identity.

Our human demanding for our 'rights' I believe stems from the fact that through the Fall we lost the fulness of the honour of our gifted dignity, and as our society has increasingly ignored or rejected God, we have removed the joy and honour of even knowing the dignity of being God's creation, let alone the honour of the dignity of being redeemed by the One who loves us (John 3:16).

An atheist might argue that a person has no dignity with God.  After all, what about human suffering and the threat of eternal punishment?  The human suffering question is too long to go into here and I recommend a book by Joni Eareckson Tada called "A place of Healing".  On the topic of eternal punishment, hear what Pastor Charles Price said in a message he gave on the Judgement of God at The Peoples Church in Canada:

"It is part of the dignity of human beings that we are accountable. We cannot have a responsible society without laws. You cannot have laws without judgement. You cannot have judgement without punishment. 

And it is part of the dignity of being human that we are ultimately accountable to God. God actually cares about how we live. That gives us incredible dignity. We are not "nobody's", we are not incidental. And every one of us is accountable to God on that day. "

 (Living Truth video on demand accessed 23 October 2014)

To further reframe our vocabulary, I wish to suggest that instead of thinking about our 'rights' we develop an attitude of '3D living - Dignity, Duty and Delight'

Dignity

I have already talked about Dignity - as human beings and in Christ.

Rather than demand our rights, we can rejoice in our dignity.  Instead of demanding other's rights, we can advocate for their dignity.

Duty

We can also be eagerly willing to 'fullfil our duty'.  Duty may seem a very 'grace-less' word, but it encapsulates the antithesis of demanding rights.  When we demand our rights, its all about getting for ourselves, but when we embrace and fulfill our duty, its all about honouring God by giving to others.  Duty is about responsibility and logical and reasonable action.  Its about 'presenting ourselves as living sacrifices which is our reasonable/logical worship'.  Its about giving up of ourselves for the good of others and the glory of God.  It's about denying of self, not the rights of self.  It's about loving God because He first loved us, and thus as a result we love others with that same love.

This is the attitude of the Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians chapter 9:12 "Nevertheless we have not made use of this right, but we endure anything rather than put an obstacle in the way of the gospel of Christ."

Delight

But is this some kind of drudgery or 'drag' in our life?  Absolutely not! This is an honour. This is a delight.  Let us join with the psalmist and say "I delight to do your will, O God" Psalm 40:8 This is not a burdensome duty but a delightful and joyous duty.  This is a duty that has grown naturally out of a heart of great thankfulness for the honour and dignity God has given us in Creating us in the first place and Redeeming us and placing us in Christ.

ps.

Maybe you could join me and others in the following 'pledge' featured in a book by Nancy Leigh DeMoss and quoted in Randy Alcorn's blog recently.....

"In her book Choosing Gratitude, Nancy Leigh DeMoss shares a pledge written by a Bible teacher named Russell Kelfer. He challenged believers to write these words on a sheet of paper, and sign their names, then make a habit of recommitting themselves to it on a regular basis:

Having been born into the kingdom of God, I do hereby acknowledge that God's purchase of my life included all the rights and control of that life for all eternity.
I do further acknowledge that He has not guaranteed me to be free from pain or to have success or prosperity. He has not guaranteed me perfect health. He has not guaranteed me perfect parents. He has not guaranteed me perfect children. He has not guaranteed me the absence of pressures, trials, misunderstandings, or persecution.
What He has promised me is eternal life. What He has promised me is abundant life. What He has promised me is love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, meekness, and self-control. He has given me all of Himself in exchange for the rights to my life…
Therefore I acknowledge this day the relinquishment of all my rights and expectations, and humbly ask Him by His grace to replace these with a grateful spirit, for whatever in His wisdom He deems to allow for my life. "

Read more: http://www.epm.org/blog/2014/Nov/24/choose-trust#ixzz3K4IZ3vua