Changing behaviour requires a change to the Honour Code

A great post was added a short while back to the honorshame.com blog titled

'Do you want to change the world?'

It includes a link to the following video by author of the book 'The Honor Code', Princeton Professor Kwame Anthony Appiah

Take a look at the 3minute video.

Interestingly at the time of the honorshame.com post I was pondering over some notes I had been making about almost the same subject as that little video.....

If we are to impact issues in our world that stem from honour, we have to address them in the context of honour.  

We have to redefine what is honourable.

A Missions Mistake

Legal language and concepts will not impact hearts and minds that are honour focused.

Actions of people - in other words, their behaviour - do not emminate primarily from laws but from values. 

As I think about missions, and missions in Africa in particular, I see an error that 'we' as missionaries and other 'change agents' (such as HIV prevention educators for example)  from the West have made.

We have observed behaviours and seen problems with those behaviours - that they were mis-placed, mistaken or mis-directed or mis-informed.  We wanted to change those behaviours.  That was a noble ideal....but...

We measured and assessed those behaviours (what was acceptable and what was not) based on a plumbline, which instead of being biblical was more about 'cultural christianity' or 'cultural morality'.

We tried to 'correct' behaviours based on new 'rules' or educational 'facts' of what is 'right' and 'wrong' - ie new laws.

We failed to see the extent to which the behaviours stemmed from a value system and the honour shame dynamics of those values.

We were hindered by our Western guilt focus which emphasised behaviours (law) rather than honour/shame which is about values (honour - and more specifically honour of the lawgiver)

Behaviour will never be changed by changing the 'rules' or 'laws' alone.

Values are what determine behaviour.

Who we honour determines who we obey.  Relationships determine rules.

and

Honour encompasses obedience.  

Or to say it another way: our obedience code lies within  - and is subject to - our honour code.

Law is not however, disconnected from honour, for honour and values will inevitably result in laws. We were created to receive and give both love and command.  Right from the Garden of Eden God walked with Adam in a relationship of honour, but He also gave commands (to multiply and have dominion over the earth, and to not eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil).

We all make laws and thus give commands based on who/what we love, value and honour.

This was of course seen in the recent US Supreme Court decision - they made a legal declaration (law) based on the fact that they valued a 'right to dignity' that included in their thinking a 'dignity' of same-sex marriage.  (see previous blog about this)

Values determine laws.  

Laws only reflects values, they don't determine or control them.  Laws have no power to change values.

Of course Scripture is all about this - God gives laws to His people but no-one is saved by the law, partly because the law is powerless to change our hearts and its our hearts that determine who/what we honour. (Romans 3:20,7, 8:3)

The law can define right and wrong behaviour - and we need laws to do this, but it cannot produce right and wrong behaviour.  

Our conscience makes us uncomfortable with doing what we believe to be wrong and comfortable with doing what we believe to be right. But all we have to do is change the definition of what we believe to be right or wrong according to a change in values, and our conscience is alleviated.

This can be negative - a culture can change its honour values so as to say 'same-sex marriage is ok', but this possibility can also be positive.  As the video above points out - if you change what is understood and believed to be honourable, you will automatically change the 'rules' of right and wrong and behaviour will change.

The power in the gospel comes with changing the honour code.  

Ultimately all godly change comes because we choose to honour God over whatever we honoured before.  In the West we may not have used that language - we may have talked about Christ's 'Lordship' but the truth is the same. Our biggest problem in the Western church is that we neglected teaching what it meant to live honouring Christ as Lord and King, and instead either emphasised His love without Lordship or His laws without love. We went to two extremes of 'easy believism' or 'legalism' instead of teaching about a loving Lord who gave laws.

If we focus on what is valued and honoured and bring truth to these issues so as to change the honour code - to honour God in Christ above all.... then change will come.

The Desert, Dehydration and Living Water

Living on the edge of  the Kalahari desert means lots of dust and dry air.

But if dry air can shrivel up an avocado while left on the kitchen counter to half its size over the course of a few weeks, imagine what the dry does to a human body!

Well, yes, we humans drink extra water to make up for the loss.

But when our bodies lose water at a great rate, it is difficult to keep up with the water loss.  The result.....dehydration.

The last couple of weeks have mostly been very hot, windy, dusty and dry.

Day after day, our afternoon humidity levels have reached single figures!  Yes that is correct.... single figures.  That's lower than aeroplane cabin humidity.

Coming from the sub-tropical coastal region of Australia I really didn't like summer humidity in the 90% zone, but 9% and below isn't much fun either.

In fact last Thursday afternoon humidity was down to 4%!

This is the weather of dry skin, static electricity and limp lifeless dry hair.

It is nice in that you don't feel a 'sweaty mess' or get that 'hot and sticky' feeling.  But the heat becomes subtly problematic, as you don't notice perspiration as it evaporates too quickly.  It's easy not to realise how much water the body is losing.  Both water and salts that the body needs, are lost.

Children and babies are particularly vulnerable. We hear of occasions when a baby dies and we ask what caused the death. We are told 'the doctor said "the baby's body had no water"..... - the way of saying the baby died from dehydration. 

Here in southern Botswana we are being told we are heading for the driest summer in 34 years.  In a year when keeping hydrated is of utmost importance, we are also having the biggest access to water issues that this area of the country has faced since Independence almost 50 years ago.  4 days out of every week households and businesses and schools and hospitals have their water cut off to try to ration supplies.  The main hospital in the capital city is not able to perform all the operations needed.

The local dams have failed (are empty) and almost all water is being piped to us from the north of the country via the 360km pipeline that is perpetually getting leaks and having to be shut down for repairs for several days at a time.  Our village recently went for several weeks without water in the taps when people went to get a drink.

This problem is exacerbated by the fact that through urban migration, over a 1/4 of the country's population now live in the south east where the biggest water supply issues are.

Thankfully the property we live on has its own large tank to store extra water and we always keep a collection of full jerry cans at the house.

But this summer is predicted to be very challenging indeed!

So what are the effects on the body of dehydration which we have to be constantly aware of in our day to day lives here?

Mild to Moderate Dehydration –  need to increase water and salt minerals	Severe dehydration – need to get to hospital
Thirsty	Extreme Thirst
Dry, sticky Mouth	Irritability and Confusion
Dry eyes – low tears	Dry Skin that doesn't bounce back when pinched
Dry skin	Rapid heartbeat
Headache	Low blood pressure
Constipation	No tears when crying
Tiredness or lightheadedness	Fever
Minimal and/or dark Urine	No Urination for over 12 hrs
Muscle Cramps
	In serious cases - unconsciousness

In addition – low humidity in the air can cause:

Irritated nasal passages and bleeding nose

Inflammation of respiratory tract

Increased risk of colds, flu and other infections

Viruses last longer and spread more easily

Dry Irritated Eyes

Dry, scaly, itchy skin

Cracked skin especially on the feet

Our bodies are over 72% water and although the general rule is to drink at least  8 glasses of water a day (in addition to coffee, tea, soda or alcohol), we can often need to drink more than that to keep ahead of perspiration and evaporation in low humidity environments.

Our bodies also contain sodium, magnesium, potassium, calcium and chloride salts which are lost through perspiration (and through vomiting and diarrhoea which can also cause dehydration), so we have to make sure we keep our salt intake up as well. (that is not just highly refined table salt, but through wet sea salt or himalayan crystal salt)  Salt helps the body 'store' water as well as give it minerals for proper functioning.  Eating lots of bananas and spinach and nuts that provide potassium, can help.

As we think about the need for our bodies to get enough regular water in dry environments, I am reminded of a spiritual parallel. If we don't take in enough spiritual 'living water' through time with God and in His Word, we will be spiritually dehydrated.  We will get weak, tired, confused and our spiritual health will suffer.  In a very spiritually dry environment, we need to be even more diligent to 'take in' spiritual nourishment and refreshment.  Time with God in prayer and in the word and with other members of the body of Christ is vital.  In fact prayer and time in the Word is a bit like the regularly needed water and salt, and good heart to heart Word-filled fellowship is a bit like a periodic high potency cold energy-packed fruit smoothie drink on a hot day!

Pray that we will be careful to remain physically and spiritually hydrated and alert to the symptoms of lack of hydration!

The threat of the younger critic

In a shame honour emphasis society there is an unwritten law - the older person is always supposed to know more than the younger person, and thus the younger person cannot question or critic an elder.

We may look at that and say 'how terrible'.  But is human nature so different in the Western world?

Actually no.

Human nature at its core is incredibly similar no matter who we are.  How it plays out is sometimes slightly different, but alongside differences there are some amazing similar threads.

Apart from the humility demonstrated by Christ being lived out in the lives of people on this earth through His Body, sinful human nature is just that...sinful.

And sinful human nature that throws off any reference to God and flees from the influence of salt and light develops some remarkable similarities.

Here is an example from the 'modern Western world of science' that was mentioned in a recent 'Breakpoint' Commentary regarding an article in the New York Times.....

Norbert Schwarz, a psychology professor at the University of Southern California, tells the Times that many senior researchers bristle at the thought of a younger, less experienced scientist critiquing their work. "There's no doubt," he said, "that replication is important, but it's often just [seen as] an attack, a vigilante exercise."

In other words, the real flaw in a lot of research isn't technical or methodological. It's just old-fashioned human pride.

Pride, as a false mis-placed sense of honour, fears shame.  Pride in one's achievements or age position is held onto tightly.  Both are looked on as honour to be gained. 

The Westerner doesn't want to lose the honour of his professional position, accomplishment and applause from peers that he sees he has 'worked hard' to achieve.  The African doesn't want to lose the honour of his tribal position through the age he has attained and the sense in which others defer to him and his knowledge which he believes he has 'lived well' to achieve.  

In the African setting, someone younger speaking out is simply prohibited by the elders who govern the culture so as to preserve honour and eliminate any chance of shame.  In the Western setting, speaking out is allowed and even encouraged by the culture and so there is a very real threat always present that someone else will discover more, or even worse, something that disproves your work.  

If your identity is tied up in your achievements, to have someone achieve more is a threat to one's identity and 'being' and 'purpose'.  If your identity is tied to your age position and the authority that gives, then to have someone younger know more is a threat to your position and authority and identity and 'being' and purpose. 

Apart from identity in Christ where we are 'all one in Christ Jesus' and see humility as honourable, pride rules and jealousy follows.

Instead of seeing our position, age and accomplishments as achievements to be gained and jealously held, let us see them as gifts from the hand of God to be enjoyed, shared, a means to build others up, spur others on, esteem others more highly, teach others, and seek to have others go further.  Like Jesus let us not see our position as something to be held onto, but something we are willing to sacrifice for the good of others and the glory of God.

Don't be a Wimpy Weak Woman!

I just viewed the video of a message by Mary Kassian at the True Woman conference in 2014 and thought it was well worth passing on.

'in an age of separation'

Several of our blogs have focused on the Shame dynamic strongly emerging in Western culture.

What may be some of the various catalyst's driving such a situation?

• social media is certainly contributing to what is being termed by some as 'shame storming'

• the human heart, sinful and ever bent on putting others down in order to lift ourselves up, is definitely a factor

• the migration of many folks from 'shame cultures' to the West is sure to be a contributor too

• the fact that the West has long left the priority of acknowledging God in His position of absolute truth and authority and has settled for the idea that everyone is free to have their own 'truth' has left the door wide open for subjective group standards and shaming 

• this in turn spawns the unwritten life-value that its other people's opinions and approval that one has to seek for success and identity rather than God's opinion and approval

• when people live for approval in the eyes of others instead of the eyes of God, there is nothing to fall back on for identity and significance if a person fails to get that approval from others, so they will strive for it 'with their whole heart, mind and strength'.  A person can easily be manipulated once this occurs, because they will almost sacrifice anything to gain it and hold onto it.  It goes without saying that fear of losing it, or shame for losing it, becomes a person's sole behaviour motivator and modifier.

BUT is there something more to figure into this mix?

I just read a recommendation by Elyse Fitzpatrick for Ed Welch's book 'Side by Side'.  It's a book about helping average church members know what it means to counsel and come alongside one-another in the day to day struggles of life.  Here is what Elyse said:

"Welch builds a vision of a Christian community that moves beyond platitudes and empty promises to deep, scriptural, Christlike relationships. You will find this book to be a helpful primer on how to ask for and provide help in the midst of an age of separation."
—Elyse M. Fitzpatrick, counselor; speaker; author, Found in Him

The part of her comment I want to draw your attention to is:  "help in the midst of an age of separation".

I truly believe that one reason that could be added to my list above of why the dynamic of shame is suddenly coming to the fore, is because over many decades we have become a group of humanity (particularly in the West) that has become less and less deeply 'connected'.

We were made for relationship and connection.  

Just because society has become less connected hasn't eliminated our desire for connection.

What has contributed to this level of dis-connection?

• many years ago there was no car, let alone ones that are all closed up like a bubble.  People walked, or rode a horse or donkey, or travelled in an (often open) carriage.  

• in the Australian city where I grew up and now in my part of the world, in urban Africa, and in many other cities around the world, houses used to have no or low open wire fences.  Now we often have high fences and walls.

• years ago, kids walked or rode bikes to school chatting with one another along the way, now a parent takes them in the family car.

• years ago there was no TV, let alone internet, netflix or youtube and families talked over dinner and after dinner

• years ago most mums didn't work and kids could have plenty of time to chat with mum before school and after

• years ago many people lived in the same neighbourhoods all their lives and often attended the same church generation after generation.

• years ago people had long chats over the fence, over a 'cuppa tea' at the kitchen table or wrote long well thought out letters to each other

• years ago almost all homes had kids living with both biological parents, unless the child was an orphan due to the death of the parents.

• years ago people greeted each other as they passed along the way and often knew the 'person' behind the face.

But now...

life is somewhat different.

- cities, 

urban living, 

the motor car, 

ease of travel and communication, 

women working outside the home 

and our hectic lifestyle 

have propelled us into dis-relational lifestyles.

We are obsessed with 'privacy' - possibly as an 'over-reaction' to village gossip and the fear of 'big brother'!...but our idolisation of privacy has also given us isolation....

....and yes then along came such inventions as 'facebook', and 'twitter'.

Suddenly with these on-line connection opportunities we believe we have a place where we think we can keep our 'privacy' and get 'connection' as well.  After all we can get 'connected' from the 'privacy' of our own home, car, office, bedroom or even bathroom.  We rush headlong into what was proposed to be the answer to our relational void.

We were desperate to be able to feel 'connected' to people.

But sadly, while not all bad, this 'connection' is filled with a great deal of 'fool's gold'.  It doesn't deliver all that it promises.  

Do 500 'likes' or 1000 'followers' equate to 2 friends you know you can pour your heart out to and have regular deep and helpful conversations - friends you know well and who know you well ...and maybe a few more who while maybe not 'heart-to-heart' level of friends are lifelong connections who still know you well?

Do one sentence snippets and a photo posted here and there equate to deep heart-to-heart exchanges? 

Having coffee with friends is often eclipsed by the smart phone - its not unusual to see 3 or 4 friends gather at a coffee shop and they are each on their own iPhone and none of them are actually talking to each other!  I've now heard of some coffee shops that are 'smart-phone-free' zones to try to get people actually talking to each other!

As I've mentioned before, a friend of mine in Australia has a ministry she calls 'tea an talks' or 'coffee and chats', which is simply just to invite someone over to her home for a cup of tea and cookies and to relax and chat for a couple of hours.  She has had so much positive feedback from such times - people saying 'it was just so good to talk'.

I want to encourage you to take the opportunities you have and make more opportunities to give people space to feel free to have extended time to talk.  

We live in a very superficial world.  We have access to more information than ever before but most people go no further than the surface.  Open the door for folk to come in to your life and feel relaxed and unhurried enough to share. 'Bear one another's burdens and so fulfil the law of Christ'.  Close the gap of separation. How well are we doing at that?  

Especially these days I am so reminded of the opportunities others may have that I don't have right now.  It's not easy to have almost no long term friends with whom I can 'grow' with.  Living as an expat in a foreign country means you tend to connect with other expats and missionaries that are hardly here than they are gone again.  For both my husband and I, we have to live with the fact that we just start to build a good friendship with someone and then they return to their home country. In fulfilling the call of God on our lives to be here, we are separated from all our biological family.  Then for me now days, with limited mobility, I hardly ever have opportunity to have deep heart-to-heart conversations with other women.  

So I say, don't neglect the opportunities you have - both to build others up but also to know the blessing of having others build you up in the process.  When we don't reach out to others and develop deep friendships, not only do we cheat others, but we also deprive ourselves.  It's not an opportunity that we can assume we will always have ready access to.

People around us are desperate for 'connection' in our age of separation.  Their hearts are crying and yearning for opportunities to share the deep troubles of their hearts and the deep questions of their soul and just fellowship of heart.  But instead we are captive to the notion that everyone should 'respect each others privacy' and not encroach on another person's time.  But the body of Christ is supposed to be a place where we  can bear our souls and build each other up, counsel and encourage each other, confront sin with love, and support one another.  

Experiencing the fulness and blessing of 'loving one another' doesn't happen with superficial connection.

Take the first step....invite others to share your time and space, not via a touchpad on an iPhone or iPad, but face to face, over a coffee for a few hours.  

Help rebuild our communities into ones that interact the way God made us to, communities which in the midst of 'separation' are yearning for connection, for love.  

Seek to be a blessing to others and in turn you will be blessed.