The Hair-wash Honour Lesson

One of the things I can't do for myself with my POTS medical condition is washing my hair, so I have to get someone else to do it for me.

My recliner wheelchair is 'reversed' over the edge of the shower and with a hand-held shower rose, while I am lying down, my hair is washed.

Yesterday's hairwash turned out to be an "Honour Lesson" as our maid who also serves as my Personal Carer/Assistant on the days she comes, was telling me about a very interesting situation as she lathered and rinsed my hair...... and I want to share it with you.

A lady did something 'not nice' to her brothers. We'll say, she sinned against her brothers.  

She would say she is a Christian.

She has recognised that what she did was wrong.  

She knows there is a problem in her relationship with her brothers because of it.

She knows that without forgiveness there will continue to be a problem between them.

However,

She is older than all her brothers.

Culturally, a person does not put themselves in a 'shamed' position in the eyes of others, and definitely an older person will never 'lower themselves' to look shameful in the eyes of those younger than them.

An older person culturally is in a position of honour simply because they are older and they are not about to voluntarily step down or 'let go' of any of that honour.

So she is saying that she cannot go to her brothers to ask for forgiveness for the wrong she has done.

But she has heard that her brothers are willing to forgive her.

So she is now saying that because she is the older sibling, it is not her 'place' culturally to go to her younger brothers and ask for forgiveness, they must come to her and just tell her that they have forgiven her without her having to say or do anything.  She is trying to exert her cultural 'elder' position to enable her to avoid the 'shame' she feels she will bring on herself by having to come to her brothers.  And she is telling them that culturally they should be doing what she tells them.

BUT

Her brothers have said that as much as they are willing to forgive her, they are not willing to give her that forgiveness until she comes and asks for it.

So there is a stalemate!

As my carer rinsed the shampoo from my hair she said "Its the Honour/Shame culture again".

Biblically the brothers are doing it right. We should have a heart of forgiveness ready and willing to give it.  In other words we should have already willingly 'granted' it in our hearts so that we can without hesitation 'give' it when it is asked for.  However, the person also needs to come prepared to admit their sin and ask for forgiveness - we see that pattern in 1 John 1:9 about us coming to God for forgiveness "if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive...." and in Luke 17: 4 in relation to forgiving other people "if he sins against you seven times in the day and turns to you seven times saying "I repent", you must forgive him". And then there is 2 Chronicles 7:14"If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land". The pattern is that God is a forgiving God who is willing and ready to forgive IF with a repentant heart, we come to him for forgiveness. So we should have the same willingness whenever anyone comes to us for forgiveness. 

There has to be a humbling of oneself, an admittance of wrong doing and a sense of putting oneself at the mercy of another in the hope and trust that they will grant the forgiveness, if it to be received.  Conversely, if we are going to forgive as God forgives, we must not withhold forgiveness in attitude of heart, or in action toward other human beings if they in repentance ask for it.

But this lady, even as a 'Christian' is struggling to come to terms with the requirements that God asks for (humility), as those terms intersect and conflict with cultural ways.  

And as my Motswana carer said "It's all about pride".

We are learning that true biblical forgiveness is something that is not well understood here particularly because of the cultural honour/shame dynamics.  And even for Christians, there is much cultural thinking super-imposed onto biblical words and concepts. May God continue to grant us the wisdom and strength to research and write materials and opportunities to share, so that hearts may be set free from Satan's bondage which keeps them separated from a rich and loving relationship with God and with their fellowman.