Funerals - with a difference.

Death is something that evades none of us, no matter what country or culture we are from.

We were reminded again these past weeks of local traditions surrounding death and funerals when a old lady who lived on the same property as ourselves, died.
(she was originally from South Africa, came here in the 60s, became a citizen and had no family but had endeared herself to many locals over many years) 

We thought you might be interested to read of some of the ways death is dealt with here........

A few days before last Christmas the dad of a friend of ours also died.

The lady was buried in our local village graveyard, our friend's dad (of Scottish heritage) wanted to be cremated.

Village burial required several guys with shovels to dig the grave the day before the funeral. Then as part of the graveside proceedings some guys again shovel the dirt back in, as everyone sings - till its done.  The interesting thing about this process is that often when the coffin is lowered, they discover the hole isn't big enough so the coffin has to be raised again while the diggers do more digging and the coffin-lowering process resumes - and everyone keeps singing as they dig.

 The only crematorium in Botswana is not in the capital city, so if you don't want to pay extra costs for body transportation you have to approach the local Hindu society who are the only ones in the Capital city who have a cremation facility.....but its open air funeral-pyre style.

In the village there aren't 'headstones' or plaques for the grave but 'covers' - welded steel framed structures that look like little houses that have shadecloth draped over them.  The deceased person's name and date of birth and death are done by creating the letters and numbers out of steel.  The 'covers' are meant to be 'shades' so that the deceased person doesn't get too hot - a sign of honouring the dead person.  (before we think that is a bit crazy - we should think about Western 'old times' where people were buried under trees??)  This is very much a local practice and the Mozambiquan welder who was asked to do the 'grave piece' didn't know about 'shades' and made a 'headstone' style steel structure...and then had to remake it!

For cremation Hindu-style, a family member has to light the funeral-pyre and clean up the out-door space afterwards.  They take the bones and ashes home if they don't want them put into the Hindu cemetery.  Our friend still has the bones and ashes awaiting a time he can drive to CapeTown to spread the ashes in the sea as he wants to do.  He still hasn't worked out what to do about the bones.

For the village funeral, the ceremony starts at 6am normally on the Saturday morning.  (if a Memorial service occurs in addition it will have maybe been the day before). Many will have the body laid out all night for viewing the night before.  For an hour each evening of the previous week there will have been what they call 'prayers' at the deceased's house (which is normally more like a mini church service - singing, prayer for the family and a Pastor will preach a short sermon and then everyone stays to eat snacks and one by one visit with the bereaved family who will be quietly sitting in the house).

For the cremation the Hindu society prepare the body and funeral pyre - the deceased's family just have to supply a few requirements of wrapping cloth and oil etc. The guests sit under a lean-to awning to watch the cremation.

For the village funeral, after the graveside part, all the guests come back to the deceased's family home (through a gate at which there is a bowl of water to 'cleanse' from death so as not to bring it back to the house after the body has been buried), and to eat a feast provided by the deceased's family - they do the preparation and have to cover the costs.  The cooking traditionally happens all night the night before - the ladies cook the maize-meal and the men cook the meat in large 3-legged cast iron pots over open fires.  I once explained to the lady who helps with our house chores about how in Australia the family don't pay for all that or do all the work, instead the friends, extended relatives and church family do the work and provide the food.  Her comment was that was a good idea but it would never happen in Botswana as the family would be too fearful that someone could put poison in the food.  Again that might seem a strange fear but its there because of real experiences - people feel there is high 'risk ' of others dying after funerals.....sometimes the locals feel the others are too much 'specific others'!

For our friend's dad, there was the option of having a few friends go back to the house after but the time and day was such that most of them had to get back to work.  It was also two days before Christmas and many folk had already left for holidays so it was decided to postpone such an even to a more suitable time....which hasn't happened as yet.

Death - however it is dealt with, its never a 'nice' thing.  It signifies decay, separation, the end of what our eyes see as life. It wrenches apart physical connection to love.

In the West death has become a very clinical - dealt with at a distance separate of 'normal life' and the home. Most people in the West die in hospital or a hospice and are then transported to a funeral home and then to the place of the funeral and cemetery.  We often don't experience family members slowly dying at home, we don't have body viewings, we don't dig the graves ourselves and we don't light the cremation fires ourselves or stay to watch the body burn.  We have become detached from the raw realities of death.  Even here now, especially in the cities, the families don't prepare the body for burial,....its done by a funeral company.   I am actually very glad that we had my dad at home until his death from cancer and were able to be involved in his care and not be separated from the whole experience.

But here is some more food for thought from Joni Eareckson Tada on how we should think a little more about death.  She was surprised on a visit to a funeral home to see even themes advertised for 'celebrations of life' - eg. if fishing was the theme then fishing rods and tackle etc would decorate the room.  She says:

"We are kidding ourselves when we romanticize death as the beautifuly climax of a life well lived.  It is an enemy. Its even a greater enemy to an unbeliever, for death then becomes his threshold to hell (that's nothing to celebrate!)  Jesus spoke of hell more than anybody, and he made plain that rejecting his offer of eternal life would result not in nonlife, but the misery of God's wrath (John 3:36).  As hell is the worst outcome of this life, so eternal life is the best.  It is the supreme and ever-increasing happiness where all sin and all sadness will be erased, all that is evil in this fallen world will be removed, and all that is good will be preserved and intensified.  We will be changed so that we are capable of more happiness than we could possibly conceive in this life.  That's something to celebrate!.........Oh, if only unbelievers could see the unspeakable horror of treating God with indifference or contempt in this life.  Unbelievers have only this earthly life in which to hear the gospel and respond to Christ's invitation.  Today, will you be encountering someone who doesn't believe in Christ?  Share with them your testimony and pray for their salvation."
(from "Pearls of Great Price" devotional)