Scripture tells us that God's greatest commandment is to give love - first to God, and then to others from an outflow of our love for God. If we all gave love, there would be no issue in our world of lack of receiving love.
But what does love do for us that is so important?
In a word - honour. Love demonstrates honour.
The essence of honour
What is honour - what does it mean to honour?
We use synonyms such as esteem, value, praise, respect, but although these round out the concept they don't give us the 'nuts and bolts' of it.
As I have thought more and more about this, three factors seem to emerge - like three pillars that honour rests on.
They are: approval, acceptance and significance.
When we receive honour we are essentially receiving these three, and when we give honour we are essentially giving these three.
We were made to receive honour and give honour.....from God.
Although in our sin we seek honour from outside of God, it is still these three elements that we seek to receive and inevitably give.
Approval: we yearn to know that we are 'ok' in the eyes of others, that we are 'right', that we are 'correct', that all is 'good' between us and others, that we 'passed' the test of other's criteria, that we 'did well', that others are smiling at us, have given us the 'nod'....and if you are Australian - that others have said 'Good onya mate'! To be noticed and thought of as good to be around is a driving motive of us all.
Acceptance: we long for approval because we long for acceptance. We want to belong. As much as the Western world applauds individualism, at heart we know we were made for relationship and interaction with others. We don't like being excluded or rejected, left out, shunned, or ignored. We want to be a part of what is going on around us, knowing inherently we are part of a bigger picture than just ourselves. In fact, a new psychological condition has been called 'FOMO' - or Fear Of Missing Out. Wikipedia mentions that "A study by Andrew Przybylski found that the FoMO condition was most common in those who had unsatisfied psychological needs such as wanting to be loved and respected.[6]" It is what is driving so much of social media - people desperately want connection with others and acceptance from others.....we are programmed - created - for acceptance and inclusion in the group. God made us to bask and revel in His acceptance, but when we ignore or reject that we seek substitutes elsewhere.
Significance: this is what we gain from approval and acceptance. To be approved and accepted gives a sense of value to one's existence. To have significance is to feel that we count for something. Whether we realise it of not it gives a sense of purpose and reason for life. It gives worth to one's very being. It says 'I matter'. To feel as if one doesn't matter to this world and the people in it, that if you disappeared no one would notice or care, brings hopelessness and despair.
Whether we seek these through our position or through our achievements (otherwise known as ascribed vs achieved honour), the reality is that we seek them. We are 'hard-wired' to seek them. We want to be liked, we want to be able to hear from others and tell ourselves that we deserve some honour for who we are and what we do.
Where we go wrong.....
Where we go wrong, is that we seek these three factors from people around us instead of from God our creator. We seek it from fickle, changing, sinful and finite human beings instead of from the steadfast, unchanging, holy and eternal God.
Not only do we seek these three factors from people but we give these three attributions to people instead of God first. We give our approval and alignment to people rather than God, we give our eager acceptance to what people have to offer instead of what God wants to give us, and we place people as more significant in our lives than God.
When God says that those who honour Him, He will honour, it means that when we are willing to give our approval to God as the only Holy and Righteous One and accept Him as He is and the terms of His gifts, blessings and salvation in Christ, and give Him the place of supreme significance in our lives as Ruler, King, Director and Lord, THEN and only then will we also know the joy of His approval of us in Christ, our acceptance in Christ and our significance as not only His creation but also His redeemed and loved children and joint heirs with His Son.
Where we also go wrong is that we absorb the world's instruction manual on how to attain such honour. We think to get the elevated place of approval, acceptance and significance, means we have to seek to elevate ourselves up, up, up. And if no-one else approves of us or 'loves' us, we are told we have to love ourselves or accept ourselves and like ourselves first - not because we are created in the image of God and of value to Him, but we tell ourselves we are good as we are without the need for anyone else's opinion at all. We think of ourselves, our opinions, methods, desires and goals as most important and the key to our sense of fulfilment and honour. We have moved from living before the eyes of God and in His sight, to the sight of others and even just ourselves.
But when we seek this route we are following our father the devil who sought to exalt himself higher as an angel and the result was that God put him down, down, down.
We fail to seek the way of Jesus who was willing to lower himself down to the lowest position and God raised him up, up, up.
In God's scheme of things, the way up, is down. Humility, not pride, is the road to honour. It is only when we are prepared to lose our life that we will find it, and when we are willing to deny ourselves that we find greatest significance in being a disciple of Jesus Christ.
It is when we begin to enjoin ourselves to God's agenda and we abandon our own agendas for advancement, as the way to approval, acceptance and significance, that we enjoy the realities of Jesus Christ living in and through us by the Spirit. We need to change our mind - repent - turn around from our own ideas about love and honour and how to attain and experience it.
From where are you seeking approval, acceptance and significance?
Do you get upset if you don't feel as if you are appreciated or appropriately acknowledged? Do you constantly criticise, find fault, put others down, and joke about other's inadequacies. These are all signs of seeking approval, acceptance and significance from people. We put others down in order to lift ourselves up. But people will never satisfy our deepest desires in these areas. People will let us down. People aren't perfect. And guess what?.....you and those around you, are people! Only God can truly satisfy. And as John Piper says "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him'.
Less of 'us' and more of 'Him' is the way to true honour and true love.
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