...thinking some more about the honour of old age

Ageing. Getting older. 

This week my wonderful Grandma reaches 95!

So in a way this post is in her honour! 

She is someone who has embraced her age at each stage and although she for sure has found her increasing frailness difficult to accept at times, she has been a true example to me of truly growing old gracefully.

In the Western world, growing old is seen as something to avoid - at least to avoid the appearance of it.

Old age is 'delayed', 'disguised' and 'despised' as one writer put it!

We are obsessed with not looking like we are growing old. You can get face-lifts, dye your hair so it will never appear to 'go grey', buy anti-wrinkle cream, get 'granny wart' skin growths burnt off etc etc.

We are also obsessed with showing that an older person can do just as much as a younger person - so we have the Master's Games, and University for the Older generation.   We applaud when someone in their 80s is on 'Facebook'.

Now I certainly do not disagree with an older person desiring to continue in sports or take up a new sport, or to take up some new study or want to take care of their skin. But I am concerned if people are doing these things because they don't want to feel like they are getting old.  And I am concerned that the 'world' assesses the elderly as 'better' if they are seen to not be letting age 'overtake' them.

There is a view that 'old people' have a lower quality of life and so to maintain a good quality of life one must 'do' these things to still look/feel like they are achieving.

I think this is partly because of our Western understanding of honour.  In the West we don't talk a lot about honour, but its there, subltly lingering in the shadows.  

Honour is not just about achieving more.

The honour which functions in Western society tends to function on an achieved level more than an ascribed level....and thus old age doesn't carry with it much (if any) honour just from being 'elderly'.  So we have created this mentality that even an older person has to keep 'achieving' to be honoured. . . . . . . . . . . this is in contrast to the traditional view of the culture around me in Africa. 

Traditionally there has been great respect for the elderly here (sadly that is changing, no thanks to the West and media most probably).  There was honour simply in being old, as it was realised how much experience and wisdom the elderly had about the affairs of life. (Now it is true that some of that is related to traditional religious views relating to ancestors, but none-the-less there still was respect for the elderly.)

But even in the 'achieved honour' area, The West, as a society, has allowed the lack of honour for motherhood on its own as achieving anything very high up the ranking scale, to flow over even into the role of grand-parenting.  

Oh its not that we Westerners ignore grand-parents, but we often don't see grand-parents as anything more than baby-sitters.  And maybe grandparents aren't as involved in the general lives of their children and grand-children because they themselves are often still both working.

I look back on my childhood with rare affection, the many memories I have and the mountain of 'stuff' I learnt by interacting with my grandparents in a myriad of settings.

As I have now moved into the 'grand-parent' zone, and see my own mum enjoying a new season in her life of 'older age' and have my last grand-parent now entering her 96th year, I am more and more realising how little our Western world has come to not value older age - to the detriment of the generations to come.

BUT it seems, that despite the 'world's' general perception that old age is a bad season of life, those actually in old age are experiencing something different.

A great Wall Street Journal article  came across my 'desk' a while back which shows in some recent studies, older people are actually much more content and happy and positive than we may have been led to believe - it is not a zone to be feared and avoided at all costs. A few myths are well busted in the article.  The article is commented on further by another blogpost which summarises the few 'myths' and their realities:

1. Myth: Depression is more prevalent in old age.
   Fact: "In general, when we look at older adults, they tend to be happier, less anxious, less angry and tend to adapt well to their circumstances."
2. Myth: Cognitive decline is inevitable.
   Fact: ". . . barring dementia, older adults perform better in the real world than they do on cognitive tests."
3. Myth: Older workers are less productive.
   Fact: "The economists determined that over that four-year period, the older workers committed slightly fewer severe errors, while the younger workers' severe error rates edged up."
4. Myth: Loneliness is more likely.
   Fact: "Older adults typically report better marriages, more supportive friendships, less conflict with children and siblings and closer ties with members of their social networks than younger adults."
5. Myth: Creativity declines with age.
   Fact: "Creative genius clusters in to two categories: conceptual artists, who tend to do their best work in their 20s and 30s, and experimental artists, who often need a few more decades to reach full potential."
6. Myth: More exercise is better.
   Fact: "Stick to a moderate cardiovascular workout of no more than 30 miles (of running) a week or 50 to 60 minutes of vigorous exercise a day, and take at least one day off each week."

I do not deny that all of us have to come to terms with certain 'losses' in old age. But if our society - which starts with you and me -  started to celebrate more what older people are good at and the unique ways they can bless others, rather than expect them to achieve in the same ways as those younger, then maybe we would all be better for it.

After all, Scripture gives us direction that older folk are meant to be valued for the richness of life that they can bring.  They are meant to be sharing God's grace by teaching their grandkids about history and about God's faithfulness over the long haul.  If we are to honour what God honours, then the younger generation is supposed to welcome that input and value and honour the older generation.

(see Proverbs 20:29, Job 12:12, Deuteronomy 4:9)

(Could I also suggest that if we don't like the idea of growing older we run the danger of being so absorbed in our own self-youth-preservation through trying to avoid the realities of ageing, ignoring the signs, and escaping the reminders, that we miss out on the joys of celebrating that stage of life and benefiting the younger generations....and the younger generations who don't value ageing are depriving themselves of wisdom and knowledge that can be gained - and are thus defrauding their culture and society from having the benefit of such knowledge and wisdom in years to come.)

So…….

• What can you do to encourage and honour an older person?  

• In what ways could you factor in time for you and your kids to spend time with older people (not least grandparents) so as to benefit and learn from the richness of their wisdom and life experiences?

• In what ways could you promote in your circle, a better attitude and respect for the elderly and opportunities to 'hear' them and learn from them.... and bust a few more myths out there?

• And if you are in the 'older' zone, in what ways can you think differently about your situation and even more boldly embrace aging and give thanks to the Lord for the journey He has taken you on and the ways He has grown you and blessed you?  In what ways can you then embrace in a new way the opportunities for all the richness you have to give to those around you?