And furthermore, you might ask what has that got to do with Christmas?…or Mary? or us?
The surprising answer is that 'blessed shame' has a lot to do with Christmas, Mary and us, and Mary has much to teach us about dealing with great shame and yet also having great blessedness.
Let's discover how….
The words of a Christmas carol come to mind, and in particular the first verse where the poet starts with something of great status and immediately links it was low status, and continues the contrast over and over in the song. We sing it so often, maybe we haven't realised what it is telling us. Christmas is full of these contrasts of blessing and honour alongside shame and lowliness:
Once in Royal David's city
Stood a lowly cattle shed.
Where a mother laid her baby
In a manger for His bed.
Mary was that mother mild,
Jesus Christ that little child.
He came down to earth from Heaven,
Who is God and Lord of all.
And his shelter was a stable,
And his cradle was a stall.
With the poor and mean and lowly,
Lived on earth our Saviour Holy.
And our eyes at last shall see Him
Through His own redeeming love,
For that child so dear and gentle
Is our Lord in Heaven above;
And He leads His children on
To the place where He is gone.
Not in that poor, lowly stable,
With the oxen standing by,
We shall see Him; but in Heaven,
Set at God's right hand on high,
When, like stars, His children crowned
All in white, shall wait around.
In our world, we don't naturally think of nobility and shame being compatible. We consider shame to be the enemy of honour. And in some ways it is, but often not in the ways we assume. Scripture is full of examples of earthly shame not necessarily being shameful in God's eyes, but rather being something of honour in God's eyes.
Mary is one such example.
And Christmas gives us opportunity again to remind ourselves of a counter-cultural way of looking at life.
Mary has fascinated Christians for millennia, and sometimes has too much attention, and 'facts' attributed to her that have no biblical basis (such as sinlessness). She was a normal human being, a sinner like you and I who needed a Saviour. Furthermore, she knew that the story she was a part of, was not about her. Even at the first miracle Jesus ever performed, she deferred any glory and referred enquirers to Jesus. We are not to bow before her, worship her, or attribute to her powers that belong only to God. But we are also not meant to ignore her.
Our Bible has a great deal to say about Mary. She is mentioned often, and many of her words are recorded for us, including her magnificent song in Luke chapter 1. She is a pivotal person in the biblical narrative, the mother God the Father chose to nurture His Son on this earth, and and yet another biblical character who is an example to us in many ways we may not realise.
One of the ways in which we can learn from her life, is that of shame and that of blessedness. These are two experiences which seem incompatible, but are an inseparable incongruence which God joined together in her life. We can LEARN from her life, of how to respond when these also join together in our own lives.
Blessed
To be blessed has been often defined as 'happiness'. However, it can mean 'honoured'. We seek to be valued and honoured, believing it will make us happy. When we lose that, we feel like we have lost happiness. Scripture tells us Mary was 'blessed'.
➤ Luke 1:40-46
Mary visited her cousin Elizabeth who 'filled with the Holy Spirit' said of and to Mary "Blessed are you among women…"
earlier an Angel had visited Mary and said:
➤ Luke 1:28-30 "Greetings O favoured one…do not be afraid Mary for you have found favour with God"
...the angel also said:
'you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. And the Lord God will give to him the throne of his father David and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever and of his kingdom there will be no end"
She replied "How will this be, since I am a virgin"
The Angel replied "The Holy Spirit will come upon you and the power of the Most High will overshadow you, therefore the child to be born will be called holy—the Son of God"
Mary knew she was blessed.
➤ She as the lowly one had been exalted to a privileged position (Luke 1:52)
➤ Mary knew that generations into the future would also honour her by calling her blessed (Luke 1:48)
➤ She had been chosen as the one favoured above all, out of billions of people in the world then, before and after, to be the mother of the Messiah. Favour from God was what every one of God's people desired (eg Psalm 119:58). She knew the honour and blessedness of being someone who God valued, when by the world's definitions she was poor and unimportant.
➤ Her joy and happiness fill her song that magnifies the Lord. (Luke 1:46-55).
However, just because she was blessed, did not mean her life suddenly become one of ease, painlessness, and popularity. She did not then live a life of constant joy and comfort. You and I might seek honour, fame, and glory in the hope it will solve all our problems and create a better, easier life with less difficulties. Mary's life story, however, tells us something quite contrary to this assumption. From her we learn how to be blessed while still in the midst of a life of great difficulty, earthly sadness, and shame.
WE LEARN
As we read her song, when Mary received the unexpected news of massive life changes ahead for her, she faced it with rejoicing and a recognition of it being a blessing from the Lord. She realised that honour and blessing from God can come even to the lowly and humble.
Though she would have had many questions about the future, she knew she had been chosen for an honourable role and task in God's plans.
She knew that God can do what man might find impossible so as to bless his children and use his children as a means of bringing great blessing to others.
She took no credit for the blessing for herself, but praised God who was the one who was holy and mighty and doing great things.
She knew that sometimes we have to wait a long time for God's answers of blessing to come, but God is faithful and will bring the blessings he promises.
These are all responses that we should also learn to have as we go through life, and especially when faced with unexpected news or situations.
Shamed
For Mary, alongside the privilege of being chosen as the mother of the Messiah was a willingness for a lifetime of shame....
1. The Angel's visit:
Mary recognised this situation of blessing mixed with shame, from the beginning. Not only did her statement to the angel about being a virgin acknowledge that she wondered how she could biologically fall pregnant, but she would have also recognised its cultural and moral significance. Imagine the realisation that she had to now have a conversation about this news with her betrothed husband Joseph, and the shame of that. Imagine that fact that Joseph did not believe her either. He was a kind and merciful man who was willing to not shame her publicly and rather divorce her quietly, which tells us he initially did not believe her. It was only later that he believed her story, and only after an angel spoke to him and explained the truthfulness of what she had said. Imagine what her friends and family thought of her? Despite the honour the family would have gained if they truly did believe the Messiah was coming via their family, they were unlikely to believe her story amidst the social shame of the coming visual evidence of her pregnancy outside of marriage. She and Joseph would continue to live with the shame. To gain the blessedness in the eyes of God, she had to be willing to choose the road of shame in the eyes of people. And she did not do it reluctantly but willingly, with the humility of one who is a servant of the Lord (Luke 1:38).
WE LEARN
Like Mary we will have many situations in life where the call of God on our lives will result in misunderstanding and thus shame in the eyes of others. Like Mary, we can entrust ourselves to God as his available servants, knowing we are part of God's bigger story of glory.
2. Simeon's Words:
The words of Simeon, would have most probably intrigued Mary and added to a growing strange picture of what it meant to be the earthly mother to the Messiah. First there had been the birth of her baby in such a lowly, obscure setting for the holy Son of God. But then when Mary and Joseph went to present Jesus at the temple, Simeon pronounced a blessing on the baby who would bring salvation, light and glory. But then he said specifically and personally to Mary: "Behold the child is appointed for the fall and rising of many in Israel, and for a sign that is opposed (and a sword will pierce through your own soul also) so that thoughts from many hearts may be revealed" (Luke 2:34-35).
What would she have understood by Simeon's little insertion of mention of a piercing sword?
She not have fully understood it. We can look back after Christ's crucifixion and consider that it must have meant the prophecy of Jesus being pierced with a sword in his side on the cross, over which people would weep as for their firstborn (Zechariah 12:10). And there of course could be some truth in that, but Simeon doesn't mention Christ's body, but Mary's soul. In the Old Testament, when anyone was pierced by a sword it meant death by utter humiliation, especially if it was the sword of someone else piercing a person. It was used to describe God's punishment of shaming of his people (eg. Leviticus 26:33; 1 Samuel 31:4; Isaiah 14:19; Jeremiah 25:33). It was a picture of helpless failure and shame. It is interesting to note that here in Botswana the words used for shame literally mean to be 'stabbed' or 'pierced'. For Mary to hear this, and not yet knowing exactly how Jesus would die as he did, her first thought would be the context she already had from her Hebrew Scriptures (which we know she was familiar with as her song was full of Scriptural references). She may not have understood the full details, but she would have very definitely heard the meaning. I would suggest she is being told that the feeling of shame would fill her life; not her body, but her soul. Mary would be blessed to be the mother of a baby who would grow to have profound impact on many hearts and who would bring the honour and glory of salvation that Israel had been waiting for. However, it would involve the cost of suffering, not only of one day later seeing her son's side physically pierced, but having a significant element of shame that would continue to feel like it deeply penetrated her life.
WE LEARN
God's call on our lives has a profoundly different purpose from the sinful purposes of this world. It is 'at odds' with the world and may cost us deep personal pain. What God calls us to, might look shameful to the world, and the world might not like it. It might be counter-cultural and lacking honour in the eyes of people. But like Simeon did for Mary, God has told us in advance in the Scriptures, that suffering will be part of our lives when we choose to honour God (2 Timothy 3:12). Forewarned is forearmed. It need not catch us by surprise. We can go forward trusting God's plans even when the shaming follows us. We can be confident we are called to be participants in a far greater glory for all eternity.
3.. Jesus' Childhood: We know only a little about Jesus' childhood and therefore his mother's experiences in those early years. However, we do know some situations where Mary with Joseph would have experienced shame because of being the parents of Jesus.
➤ the first was when not only would have society shunned them, but Herod wanted to kill their baby. It meant they had to live as exiles in a foreign land. In our day-and-age of individualism and easy world travel, we don't worry too much if we have to live outside our community culture. We think of it in a positive way as an adventure, and we are looked up to as ones who have travelled to new places. However, to travel to a new land not because you want to but because you have to, is a whole different story. To be a 'displaced person' is not an adventure but a trial. It means you don't know if you will ever have a home to go back to, or if a new home comes one day, where it will be. You lose connection with family and family history, and thus status, and honour, and a sense of belonging. In the difficulties of being a brand new young mum, Mary did not have her mum or any other family around to guide, help and support her. Her young son had no cousins or relatives to visit or play with. They were not able to enjoy wider family times together or even share in community Jewish festivals with family. In Mediterranean/Eastern culture this was not just a 'fact' of location, but a feeling of separation from love and belonging on a human earthly level.
WE LEARN
When we join God's purposes for glory in Jesus, we may suffer both relational and physical location separation from those we love. We may feel ostracised, rejected, alone, and not belonging. We and our loved ones may miss the closeness of family and friends and even their support in difficult times. But God will supply our needs…even if that is in ways we didn't expect and mean learning new ways of life. Even Joseph no-doubt would have had to do more than other husbands in his own culture back home who could have called on other women to help.
➤ the second 'event' of Jesus' childhood we are told about was when he was 12 years old (Luke 2:41-52). The extended family had all gone up to Jerusalem to the temple and as they returned along the way they realised Jesus was no longer in the group of relatives. So they had to return to find him. However, again, if we are not familiar with the cultural norms, we might miss the significance of this.
After living in a similar honour-shame-community based culture here in Africa for over 2 decades, the context is not what a Westerner might assume. It would not be unusual for a child to be just 'within' the family group as opposed to always being under the supervision of his parents directly. Yet, when something like this happens in the eyes of a wider group, there is shame for the parents before the eyes of the group. Here in my part of Africa, the other adults would say things like "whose child is this that has not done what he should?" So the shame is laid at the feet of the parents who have such a 'wayward' child they could not control. Westerners might look at this simply from the perspective of the fear of Jesus' parents wondering where he had gone or if someone had 'kidnapped' him. That might have still been a part of what went through Mary and Joseph's mind. But note what they say to Jesus: "…son , why have you treated us so?'. They didn't say what a Westerner might expect; which might have been: 'son, where have you been, we have been worried for your safety' or 'because of your actions we have wasted time and energy coming back to look for you'. They took it as disrespect to them, and to have a disrespectful child was a disrespect for them in the eyes of their wider family and community. They were the ones with the wayward son who wandered off and delayed the whole group. Because of Jesus' desire to honour his heavenly Father above his earthly parents, his earthly parents bore the brunt of the shame of his actions in the eyes of the community.
But did Mary become bitter or resentful after hearing Jesus' answer of heavenly priorities? No. Verse 51 of Luke chapter 2 says that the same as when the shepherds came to visit at Jesus' birth (Luke 2:19), she "treasured up all these things in her heart". There would have been many things in which in Jesus' growing up years, he had to choose to do things his heavenly Father's way and not the cultural way. There would have been many things where his choices impacted his family and caused them shame…but he had to honour his heavenly Father first and above all. Mary had to bear that shame before the eyes of others, and simply ponder them in her heart, when those in her social circle would not have understood.
WE LEARN
Mary and Jospeh had to both endure shame in their lives because they loved, and were loyal to, God above people. Thus they were also shamed with others who chose to love and honour God above all. Joseph had to share Mary's call on her life that brought shame to him. Mary and Joseph had to bear shame as they shared in God's call on the life of their son. But any shame they endured in the eyes of earth, was just a small part of the package of a greater blessing from the hands of heaven. Each 'shaming' would have been a reminder to the greater blessing it signified. So it is with us. We might just need to ponder such things in our heart, where God sees and knows. We have to keep our eyes on the greater blessing so as to keep the shame in its lesser place.
4. Jesus' ministry Mary suffered shame amidst the honour of her son's three years of ministry. As she was seen with Jesus while he performed miracles and astonished crowds, she would have been known and honoured as Jesus' mother. However, while the crowds might have honoured her, and expected Jesus to do the same, Jesus didn't see it as his priority to honour her above his purpose, or to honour his earthly family above his eternal family. It would have felt a public shame for Mary to have Jesus as her 'first-born son' basically publicly 'disown' them as if they didn't matter when she and his brothers came to see him and wanted to talk to him. But he seemingly wanted to make a point that our eternal family is to be more important to us than any earthly family. Although Mary might have also 'pondered' this and realised it was part of his mission on earth to highlight such a truth, it would have still brought a pang or 'stab' of shame before the eyes of her community.
Furthermore, when we think of this story re-attached to its cultural context, this little incident also brings up other issues. It seems that Mary is out and about with her sons trying to find Jesus. She seeks him with enough serious urgency that she thought it warranted her to interrupt the situation and 'demand' or at least strongly desire and pressure for his attention. This is interesting as there is no mention of Joseph, so this might indicate he had already died. Jesus was the 'first-born' son and had cultural responsibilities to his family especially to a widowed mother. However, he is not at home, but rather 'wandering' around Galilee as an itinerant preacher/teacher. Again like earlier, to have some cultural context brings an extra dimension. Mediterannean culture is a similar honour-shame community culture to here in Africa. In such situations, a widow left to herself and her first-born son appearing to neglect her would have been shameful on her in the eyes of the community. His other brothers would have also been asking why they had to take certain responsibilities when the 'first-born' son was alive and well, but just choosing to be never around. We know his brothers and sisters thought he was crazy (Mark 3:21), so we know they didn't understand who he was and God's mission for him on earth. Is this incident maybe an effort for his brothers to pressure Jesus to 'behave properly' by publicly 'shaming' him for his cultural kinship neglect? Mary would have had to bear ongoing shame in her community in this regard. And any other shame Jesus received for upsetting the religious leaders etc would have also fallen across onto her as well. Shame doesn't just stay with one person but spreads to all who share the kinship of the shamed one. Mary knew that she had 'signed up' to whatever God had for her 'according to his word'. It would not have been easy for her at an earthly level.
WE LEARN
We too need to make sure we keep earthly allegiances in proper perspective and that they never usurp heavenly ones. Our eternal family in Christ is meant to take higher priority to our earthly family allegiances and any sense of our belonging and identity. We need to remember that we are part of a bigger and greater family than anything we know now. Our faithfulness is to be first to our family in Christ and doing what he wants. Earthly family expectations are never to over-rule what God wants us to do and be. And we need to also be careful not to put pressure on other members of our earthly family to do what we want rather than what God has called them to do. We also have to realise that we will bear shame for others in our earthly kinship or spiritual kinship who do things that the community or cultural families do not understand and do not meet cultural expectations. We have to keep our eyes on the eternal picture.
5. The Cross Of course last of all, the culmination of Jesus' life on earth was his death and resurrection. He came to die. He came to be the Saviour. But it wasn't in the way the Jews expected. When Mary received the blessed news of he upcoming pregnancy, crucifixion of her first-born son would probably not have been on her mind. We don't know who told her of his arrest, or at what point she arrived at the cross. But we know she was there before he died and she was there with John the disciple. Maybe that's why we don't hear of John around the trial time. Maybe he was the one who had gone to get the news to Jesus' mother.
Crucifixion was not only painful physically but it was shameful socially, relationally, emotionally.
It was not only shameful for the one crucified but of course for all the associated friends and family…and thus why Peter didn't want to be known to even be slightly connected to Jesus.
To be the mother of a criminal or someone labelled as a criminal, was exceedingly great shame. But to be the mother of someone crucified was shame on an even greater level. As mentioned earlier, the parents would be shamed for the 'disrespectful' and 'out-of-step' behaviour of their child. Here in my part of Africa, when someone is sent to jail, often no family members will visit the prisoner. They don't want others to associate them with the identity of the shamed prisoner. The only way to have some honour in the society is to be seen to join with the rest of society in shaming the accused one, or at the very least not be seen to be 'with' the shamed one. It was no small matter for John, Jesus' mother and the other couple of women to allow themselves to be seen by the community as being there 'with' Jesus.
We don't know what Mary was thinking at the time as she looked up at her son. Or maybe she couldn't even bear to look and was so filled with tears she couldn't have seen clearly even if she did look. But she would have heard the sounds, heard his voice, known what happens and known he hung there battered and naked. When she knew that they used a spear (ie a sword on a long pole, in a kind of way) to pierce his side, maybe she recalled what Simeon had said 33 years before. But she already knew that the sword that pierced her son's side physically had long been preceded by the sword of shame that had pierced her soul. And so much of it she had to just keep to herself, treasured in her heart for only God to see and understand. She had to rest in his promises that it was all for a greater glory.
WE LEARN
Earthly shame will not be something we can escape while we live on this earth. In fact as our life progresses, it might not lesson, but rather deepen. It is often said that to have your child die before you is the deepest pain. Not only did Mary have to watch her first-born son die, but also the utter and immense social shame in what her son had been accused of and had to suffer the death penalty for. Her pain must have been immense. Mary gives us such a great example of faithfulness despite shame, right to the end. She was committed to the call God put on her life, even when it didn't make sense and all it brought her was shame upon shame on this earth.
Blessed Forever
It wasn't until the resurrection that Mary, would have begun to properly understand the true blessedness of her situation and the way in which God was working it all together for his greater glory. It would have only been at that point that she would have known her lifetime of shame, then turned to honour - at least in the eyes of those who continued to follow the Lord Jesus Christ. In the eyes of his persecutors, she would have continued to endure shame. But her honour was not found in the eyes of people, but in the eyes of God. Any suffering of shame on this earth, is momentary in contrast to the eternal weight of glory God is working towards (2 Cor 4:17).
We are called now to the great blessedness that continues into eternity of being included in the identity of Jesus Christ, even though it might mean temporary earthly experiences of shame. So when we feel shame for being and doing what honours God, we experience a 'blessed shame'. We don't need to doubt the blessedness of our sonship family status in Christ, even when we face shame from others around us. Any shame we endure on this earth for Jesus' sake, is really a sign and confirmation of our true blessedness (Matthew 5:10-11). Others might try to 'shame' us and we might feel some of the earthly pain of that, but like the Apostle Paul we don't have to be 'ashamed' (Romans 1:16).
Mary would have realised just how amazing her God's plans were, and how blessed she had been to be a privileged part of it. But all the more she would have realised that her true blessing was not just that Jesus was her earthly son who came as a baby born in a lowly manger, but that most of all he was her glorious and exalted Saviour.
Like Mary, we can say we are the 'servant' of the Lord and we don't need to feel ashamed even when shamed by others. Every such shaming is a sign of blessing. In Christ, we are blessed forever!
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