Sin is more than law-breaking: Lessons about honour and shame from a Blue Crayon

Being grandparents is one of those special joys in life I will always treasure. 

One of the opportunities it brings is being involved in the teaching and training of precious young lives and watching them learn and grow. 

Recently discovering artistic blue crayon 'swirls' drawn on one of our white walls provided another of those teaching and training opportunities.

But as I thought about the 'crayon' event afterwards, I realised it not only taught a little four year old something about telling the truth, and being found out for her wrong doing, and confession of sin, and forgiveness, and how her efforts of cleaning it off were useless (she offered to get a cloth and wash it off and tried for all her worth) and only Grand-pa's Sugar-soap was able to scrub the wall clean…

…..but…..she also brought me the blessing of teaching and growing my alertness once again to the honour-shame dynamics of the nature of sin.

 

Blue Crayon Lesson 1 

- There is a non-disobedience, 'shame' kind of wrongdoing

I have lost count of how many times I have read that sin is defined as 'breaking the law' or 'disobedience'.

However, my little grand-daughter's artwork on the wall was not disobedience. No adult had specifically issued her with a command or instruction not to draw on walls in our house. 

However, as soon as I called her and pointed at the wall and asked in a very particular serious tone of disapproval 'who did this?', she went instantly silent and turned her head away and wouldn't look at me. 

She instantly knew she had done something wrong and unacceptable, just from my tone.

But what kind of wrong was it?

If it wasn't disobedience, what was it?

It was primarily dishonour and disrespect.

Eventually after I assured her that although Grandma (me) was not happy with what she had done and it was a bad thing to do that I would not be cross at her for telling the truth, she did honestly confess and tell me that she did it and we had a conversation about drawing on paper only and not walls. She also had a lesson on confession and forgiveness, but that there were still consequences to deal with. Like many situations in parenting, what appeared to be first a 'bad' situation was actually a 'good' opportunity for God to use as a teaching moment in which we thought about what God would want us to learn from it, and be prompted to turn our hearts to him…and thus glorify him.

Blue Crayon Lesson 2 

- Looking for what we can easily miss about shame

But also, what seemed a 'mundane' and 'normal' parenting (or grand-parenting ) event was yet another occasion where I am learning to see and consider 'with new eyes', and be more alert to, the honour-shame dynamics which were 'shouting' out at me, but where I could have easily missed their reality.

As the 'crayon artist' was questioned about the situation, she acknowledged and agreed that it is paper that she should be drawing on (and later I further explained to her only her paper not just any paper she finds in the house!). But there had been no direct disobedience to a previously defined house 'rule'.

But I noticed some further dynamics play out….

• She came to the very real awareness that amidst her behaviour that was unacceptable, she felt unacceptable. 

• Her normal desire to face me and tell me some new discovery or run and hug me had suddenly changed. 

• She went totally silent and seemed to withdraw instantly into herself (even holding her arms close to her body as she stood in front of me as I crouched in front of her). 

• Her head was turned away and even when I moved her and told her to look at me, her face was toward me but her eyes were looking off to the side.

All honour of close relationship with her Grandma had suddenly been destroyed. And though she knew I wasn't happy, even with my arm around her, she still couldn't bring herself to face me.

Blue Crayon Lesson 3 

- Learn from what we observe and interpret it from more than just a guilt-law-disobedience lens

Some of what this event highlighted to me was:

• Wrongdoing is more than disobedience and law-breaking.

• Wrongdoing is rooted in an awareness of not measuring up, and thus not being acceptable to the one you meant to please. Because the word in Scripture translated as 'sin' means to miss the mark, the real meaning and reality of sin is more related to unacceptability than to specifically disobedience and lawbreaking.

• Behaviour exposed as unacceptable is felt as personal unacceptability and is instinctively felt and intrinsically linked to a sense of shame.

• Shame brings an automatic and untaught response. Guilt from disobedience only comes about as a result of transgressing a known itemised, explained and taught law. Shame comes about with no teaching, training or even with no transgression, but by simply 'feeling' a short-coming in the expectations and 'eyes' of the one we desire to please.

• Shame brings separation and a break in relationship. Joy in closeness and togetherness is gone, peace and relaxedness and freedom to converse is also destroyed.

• Shame brings an instinctive desire to withdraw and pull away, to hide, especially from the gaze of the one we have dishonoured.

• Shame brings a fear to even look upon the one who we should otherwise love, and should otherwise enjoy the eyes of joy and approval of.

Blue Crayon Lesson 4 

- Understanding the shame context of sin helps us bring the rightly explained biblical solutions to the problem

The good news was that when she confessed and was forgiven suddenly the reconciliation was instantaneous. Separation and hiding ceased, fear disappeared, the experience of love and closeness and joy returned. Honour of relationship as it was meant to be was restored. 

As we bring others the good news of how Jesus deals with our sin, we need to understand how sin works, not just in the context of guilt but in the context of shame. We need to be careful not to only see and understand wrongdoing in the context of law-breaking and disobedience. We need to recognise how sin is far more deeply and intrinsically tied to shame and how it causes a person to respond in relation to shame, right from a very small child.

As you and I learn more of the dynamics of sin in relation to shame, there comes the opportunity and need to bring the message of the gospel into such situations. We don't need to wait till disobedience occurs to lead someone to recognise wrongdoing or sin…we should not only use the context of disobedience to teach about sin. Jesus didn't come just to deal with the guilt of our disobeying but with the shame of our dishonouring. We need to not overlook the context and opportunities that shame brings to teach us about sin and how Jesus conquers sin and brings reconciliation and restored honour to shame shattered hearts.

Blue Crayon Lesson 5 

- We need to parent and disciple more from a base first of instinctive and inherent honour-shame realities and not skip this only teaching sin in relation to guilt-law-disobedience.

Foundations are built from physical birth and from spiritual birth and habits and perspectives and understandings are formed. Life is full of observation, interpretation and application. We take in what we are exposed to, we then try to make sense of it (consciously or unconsciously) and then we try to fit it into how we see and what we believe about life and thus it emerges in how we then live.

I would like to suggest that we miss the most foundational parts of the human soul when we overlook shame or over-emphasise guilt to the neglect or mis-understanding about shame.

To conclude…

Let's be gospel-honour hope bringers 

to a world deep in the mire 

of sin-shame hopelessness.

Whether you are a parent or a friend or in ministry or looking at your own life, the shame-roots of how sin is and how it functions, is imperative to understand and understand well. In reality it is nothing new, and it doesn't become less important just because we fail to prioritise its importance in our thinking. Right from a very young age a child is responding to awareness of unrighteousness through a lens of honour or the loss of honour (shame). 

While the law was given to taught about what we should do, living in honour is how we were made to be. Before the law, there was honour. Under any law-breaking issue is a more foundational honour-loss issue. Before a person, including children learn about law-breaking they already know that honour-losing is a place of fear, anxiety, separation, ruined relationship, isolation, unacceptability and shame. Our world is filled with awareness and fear of honour-losing, so let us maximise that awareness and bring the good news of how Jesus made a way to overcome that very thing that we have feared from before we ever learnt about laws and law-breaking. Let's be gospel-honour hope bringers to a world deep in the mire of sin-shame hopelessness.