It's Mother's Day today. It's always a day of mixed emotions for me. I am not a mother in the normal sense of the term, and probably never will be, and yet in another sense I am. What some might call 'spiritual mothering' is something God has granted me many times as I have had the privilege of either leading someone to Christ or God has brought them to me as young Christians, and then I have been able to help them grow in 'favour with God and Man'.
As we refer to our 'kids' and even our 'grand-daughter' in these blogs, they are not our own biological children. However, they have been a very special blessing to us, especially our little 'grand-daughter'. This is another way in which God has granted me the privilege of 'mothering'.
But last year, we were asked by a Social worker if we would be willing to foster a 4 month old baby girl, with the real possibility of it resulting in something more permanent. There were many surrounding circumstances that caused our hearts to long to provide a happy Christian environment for this baby, not least the desire to hold a little one in our arms that we would possibly call our own. However there were several other surrounding circumstances which the more we thought about it, the more we felt God saying 'no'. That was hard. Very hard.
One of the main reasons we had to say no, was that we knew that all other ministry would have to go on hold. We had to once again face the reality of whether we were going to follow God's call on our lives and how we believe he has been and is leading us re future ministry, or whether we were going to follow our heart longings?
That incident got me going over the topic of :
'Kids'
.....or the lack thereof......and I began jotting down some thoughts about infertility as we worked through the whole issue yet again, and I had been thinking of whether to put them into a blogpost....so finally here it is....
"Infertility" is a loaded word. It's loaded enough when you are within your own culture but what about in a cross-cultural situation. Are there further implications?
Infertility is a very difficult and personal issue for any couple to work through. We are no exception. Issues arise that are just never issues for those who have been able to fall pregnant and give birth to their own kids fairly easily. When we were newly married we never thought they would be issues for us either!
Here are some of those issues:
- Grief - if someone we know and love dies, we grieve that loss. Being unable to fall pregnant month after month and year after year also has its own version of grief. And a couple can feel very alone in that grief. What was once hoped for, becomes a possibility lost and loss brings grief. And unlike unmet expectations of hoping for a bigger house or a new TV, this is not a sinful materialistic desire, but a basic function of humanity that God ordained "Multiply and fill the earth". This grief then brings questions of God's will, love, sovereignty and purposes, along with a new type of learning to trust Him and that His ways are always perfect.
- Decisions - there are decisions, questions, research on options, medical tests and treatments, which ones to pursue, as well as how far and how long to pursue them....I don't know if you have heard of the Duggar family in the USA who have become famous through a reality TV show featuring their family of 19kids. Recently Mrs Michelle Duggar was being interviewed after their intimation that they may even consider adopting their 20th child and she said :
"We have friends that have adopted children who are a great influence in our lives, and we have talked about their experiences. So it's something we've considered. We have to know for sure that is what God wants for us to do," she said in her interview with People. "When he gives us a child [through pregnancy], there is no doubt in our minds that is what He wants, but when it comes to adoption, we would have to know for sure that was His will. http://www.today.com/moms/duggars-consider-adopting-their-20th-child-1C9081219
Even in this there are all kinds of processes to consider, not least if it is a road God even wants a couple to walk down. I fully identified with the sentiments of Michelle Duggar.
- Financial issues - whether its the cost of adoption (especially international adoption) or medical procedures - these are costs that 'fertile' couples just don't face. So then it becomes a situation where weeks and maybe months or years are spent in heart searching and discussion and uncertainty as to whether or not it is being a good steward of God's money to spend such huge amounts of money when the outcome may still mean no child at the end of it....for us this was especially true when we believed God wanted us focused at the time on preparing to serve him in a missions capacity overseas.
- This is to say nothing of the moral issues involved - medical technology has so much to offer and a couple may have to work through the ethics of IVF and other options.
- I could go on and list other such issues as being pre-judged by others as to why you don't have children, the possibility of loss of fellowship as friends and peers who all have children socialise together when the kids get together, and no-one to share and pass on your life stories and heritage with or to care for you like your own kids do when you get older.
I'll put some more thoughts in 'part 2' about it all with the added implications of living in another culture.....
No comments:
Post a Comment